Embrace Page 17

  It was after one in the morning when I switched my bedroom light off.

  Chapter 16

  Knowing

  MORNING CAME TOO QUICKLY. I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock twice before I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. I took a cool shower, hoping to shock myself awake. The cold water didn’t work nearly as well as my dad banging on the bathroom door, telling me to hurry up.

  When I opened the door, he glanced at his watch like I didn’t know how majorly late I was running.

  “You’re not dressed?”

  My pink fuzzy robe pretty much answered for me, so I waited for him to either move out of my way or tell me why he’d knocked in the first place. I didn’t have to wait long. “Isaac’s out front.”

  I squeezed past him. “Thanks.”

  It was the day I vowed to straighten out my problems. Mark was the easy one; I didn’t have an emotional bond with him. Isaac I’d figure out as soon as I talked to him. It was Kevin I worried about. Ever since I met Isaac and until last night, I hadn’t questioned whether I still had feelings for Kevin. Somewhere between tossing and turning while trying to get to sleep and the alarm startling me awake, I had to remind myself that we were friends and I liked it that way.

  I nodded to myself. Of course I did.

  In my room, I grabbed the first thing I saw—a pair of jeans and a blue hooded thermal top—and threw them on. I was still shoving my homework into my backpack as I jogged down the stairs.

  “I’ll see you later,” I yelled to my dad before rushing out of the house. I didn’t wait for a reply.

  Isaac put the Jeep into gear as I climbed into the passenger seat.

  “Sorry I’m late.” I tossed my backpack in the back seat and buckled up.

  “No problem.”

  Isaac looked exceptionally handsome that morning. He wore a black sweater that hugged the muscles in his shoulders and chest, making him look as if he were made of stone. His face was fair in comparison to his dark spiked hair. When he looked at me, it was with eyes that warmed my soul.

  I kept telling myself now was the time to talk to him. I twisted the strap of my purse into a knot around my fingers as I worked up the nerve to broach the subject. We were a block from school when I finally found my voice and asked him to pull over.

  He eased the Jeep onto the shoulder of the road, parked, and turned in his seat to face me. “What is it?”

  “You told me you blocked most of your powers so I wouldn’t be able to feel them,” I blurted before I changed my mind and said nothing. “At least until I discovered my own.”

  “Yeah,” he replied cautiously and freed my fingers from the purse strap. “I didn’t want to shock you every time we touched.”

  “How do you do that? Is it something I can do?”

  Isaac’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t ask me what was up with all the questions. Instead, he said, “I take a moment to center myself and gather my thoughts. From there, I pull my magic deeper inside of me.” He paused. “Have you ever been so excited or angry about something that you have to stop yourself and take a minute to breathe, to collect yourself so others don’t notice or you don’t do something you’ll regret?”

  Sure. Keeping my magic a secret had me doing that more and more. I nodded.

  “It’s sort of like that,” he said. “It might take a little practice, but you should be able to do it too.”

  “Can you block your powers completely? So I can’t feel them at all?”

  Isaac nodded and watched me, his expression unreadable.

  I closed my eyes and prayed. “Can you do it now?”

  He brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. There was no jolt of power or the tingling sensation that often accompanied his touch. Even with Isaac right in front of me, I felt alone. I fought to keep from trembling. I suddenly wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with my test. I did my best to clear my mind, which wasn’t easy with all my thoughts screaming at me.

  I touched his hand. “How am I doing?”

  Isaac gave a weak little smile. “Not too bad.”

  “I want to try something.” I leaned over the stick shift and stopped just before our lips met. There was no scent of the vanilla or spearmint. Isaac’s breath brushed my lips as he watched me with curious eyes. I don’t know what he saw. Probably fear. Confusion. His fingers touched my cheek softly and traveled down my jaw-line to my lips. No powers, just warmth and caring. My heart did an unsteady leap in my chest when he closed the distance between us and kissed me. A tear of relief escaped the corner of my eye. Even without Isaac’s powers dancing over my skin, without my powers fully there, I was crazy about him.

  The question remained, did he share my feelings?

  He pulled away. “What’s this all about? Did something happen?”

  “I’m so confused. You know?” I wiped at the tear and looked down at my hands. Damn, I didn’t want to cry. There was so much I didn’t want to say. Yet my mouth, having that inconvenient habit of speaking when I didn’t want to, ran off on its own.

  “I needed to know if our powers were making me feel the way I do when I’m with you.”

  “And?”

  I shook my head. Do I tell him I’m undeniably and without a doubt falling in love with him? Would he run the other way, thinking I’m needy and obsessive? Baby steps, I reminded myself. I had the answer to one of my problems.

  “It’s not our powers,” I said.

  “And that upsets you?” he asked, clearly confused.

  “Yes. No. I mean—I don’t know how you feel about me, and…it’s just we seem to have a good time together, and then I see you talking to Paige, and I know she likes you—” I bit my bottom lip and kept my eyes on my hands. I couldn’t do this. I was too afraid I’d ruin whatever it was we did have to discuss my lingering doubts. “Never mind. We should get to class.”

  I pulled my sleeves over my palms and gripped the cuffs like a child squeezing a security blanket, hoping Isaac would stop watching me and speed off to school. But he didn’t drive.

  “First of all,” he began in a low, heartfelt tone. “Paige keeps cornering me at school because she wants me to join her coven. She felt my magic at the party when she brushed up against me, and she’s been hounding me ever since.” Isaac lifted my chin so that I had to look at him. “That’s it.”

  I didn’t trust my voice, so I twitched a shoulder in reply.

  Isaac continued, “I know whatever you and I share is not because of our powers. I told you that before, and I wouldn’t lie to you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. You complicate things for me. If I were smart, I’d stay away from you.” He said the last sentence more to himself than me. With a shrug, he added, “But I’ve never been known to do what I should.”

  I was glad to hear that last part. I had mixed feelings about the rest. It was great to know he’d never deceive me and that I was special to him. But if that were true, why would he say he should stay away from me? I couldn’t imagine how I made things difficult for him.

  “Complicate things how?” I asked.

  Isaac’s eyes, while still caring and gentle, held a new edge to them. “For one thing, I have to be careful not to let our powers collide. It’s not always that easy.”

  “You do a pretty good job.” If I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t be able to tell he had any.

  “I’m always conscious of them, keeping them pulled in when we’re close, but when—” Isaac pursed his lips as he seemed to choose his words. “There are times it’s not that easy, and you have little control over yours.”

  “I don’t understand,” I admitted. “If I’m not trying to use them, why do I need to control them?”

  Isaac traced my lips with his thumb before he ran his fingers through my hair, twisting them around its length at the back of my head. His gaze scalded. I sucked in a breath, waiting to see what he’d do next. He leaned closer, his mouth inches from my ear. “That drives me crazy.”

  It was hard to th
ink straight with him whispering in my ear. I had to try a couple times before I could ask, “What does?”

  “The way your breath catches.”

  Oh, he could hear that. My cheeks warmed with embarrassment, but he couldn’t see them, not with his lips against my neck.

  He continued in his silken voice, “My powers awaken, and I have to try harder to control them. Part of me doesn’t want to, because then I can’t hear your heart race. Are you still holding your powers in?”

  I’d stopped holding them in the second his hand had traveled to the back of my head. I closed my eyes, did my best to ignore his lips as they traced their way from my jaw to my chin, and pulled my powers in. I think. My thoughts were a bit preoccupied.

  Isaac’s lips moved to mine, and he kissed me more passionately than he ever had. His tongue brushed mine and retreated behind his lips, which moved over mine more urgently. The kiss lasted longer than any of our others, until a sharp sting made me recoil. It traveled from my mouth all the way to my toes.

  “Ow!”

  A smug smile stretched across Isaac’s face. “That’s one complication.”

  I had an entirely new reason to learn how to control my emotions and magic. I could still feel the bite of our powers colliding on my tongue.

  “What’s the other thing?” I asked. It couldn’t be as bad as the first.

  Isaac let go of my hair and leaned back. The muscles in his jaw tensed.

  Okay, maybe the other thing was worse. I waited.

  “Before I met you, I knew without a doubt I was in control. I wouldn’t use negative emotions to fuel my magic. But now that I’ve seen what a curse can do…” Isaac raked his fingers through his hair. “I’ve been questioning the composure I thought I had. If push came to shove, I’m not going to be able to press pause and sort through my feelings before using my powers. I’m beginning to realize I’d do whatever it took to keep someone I care about safe—expose what I am, harness my anger, let my darker side take over. That’s one promise I know I can make without regret.”

  “You—you can’t,” I stammered, knowing very well his promise bound him to his words. “You’d be giving away part of your soul.”

  He shrugged. “I can’t help how I feel, and you are one of the people I care about. You have my promise, I’ll do—”

  “No!” I covered his lips with my fingers. “Don’t bind yourself to something like that. I don’t want you losing your soul because of me.”

  I bit my bottom lip. Isaac’s powers were impressive. They were stronger than Josh’s and mine combined. Powerful enough to allow us to pass through a semi truck as if we were ghosts. Fluid enough to wrap around me, making me feel secure, without needing to touch me. I didn’t want to see what he could do if he embraced his darker side.

  “Promise me you won’t use negative emotions to fuel your powers,” I begged.

  Isaac studied me a moment. I held his gaze, trying not to fidget. Then he reached over the center console, placing a finger under my chin as he leaned in and tenderly kissed my lips, without his powers present. My heart still twirled with excitement. An audible moan slipped from my throat. God, I wanted to get lost in his kiss.

  Afterward, he ran his tongue over his lips as if wanting one last taste of that kiss and replied, “No,” to my earlier question. I was about to protest when he then asked, “What about you? Just what are your feelings toward me?” I must have hesitated because he laughed, light and warm, yet there was a bitter edge to it. “I just told you I’d embrace the dark to protect you, and you still can’t open up to me?”

  I knew I should have just told him I loved him, but those three words kept getting caught in my throat. When I did speak, my reply came out in a whisper. “I really like you and the thought of losing you scares me.”

  Isaac leaned down, letting our lips meet once more. His powers wrapped me in their embrace.

  “I’ll accept that, for now.” He rested his forehead on mine and asked, “Is there anything else bothering you?”

  I didn’t want to ruin the moment by mentioning Mark, and I couldn’t tell him I’d briefly had second thoughts about Kevin. I settled for shaking my head no.

  Isaac put the Jeep in gear.

  We arrived at school more than twenty minutes late.

  Mr. Chapin frowned when I entered English. He didn’t care that I had stayed up late to work on his homework assignments. You’d think after all my hard work completing the worksheets, he would be a little grateful. I had read the book—well, Kaylee’s notes—and exerted a lot of energy to answer the questions. Instead of giving a thank-you, Mr. Chapin glanced over the first sheet, frowned, and told me to take my seat. The bell rang a few minutes later.

  Dealing with Mark was next on my list. I planned on marching up to him and asking what his problem was. I would put him on the spot and make him realize he needed to leave my friends and me alone. When I got to Foods, though, Mark wasn’t there. My kitchen’s oatmeal raisin cookies were cooling on the rack before I’d accepted the fact he wasn’t going to show up.

  By fourth period History, I was ready for the end of the day, which would come with the bell for those involved in setting up the last-minute decorations and booths for the Harvest Festival.

  “Did you talk to him?” Sarah asked when I got to my desk.

  “Which him?” I asked as I sat down.

  She mouthed Mark.

  Kaylee, who had arrived to class before me, turned in her seat and waited for my answer.

  “No,” I whispered. “He wasn’t in class, but that reminds me. Kaylee, can you have Josh ask Kevin to please return my call?” I wasn’t sure what to say to him, but I figured the words would come to me once I had him on the phone.

  “Kevin?” Paige asked. I hadn’t seen her take the seat behind me. “Is he in town?”

  There was no way I was going to give Paige any information about Kevin. I knew if he and I really were to remain friends, I shouldn’t care whom he went out with, but that didn’t mean I was okay with Paige slithering her way into his life.

  “That’s none of your business,” I said.

  “Does Isaac know?” Paige asked. “It is his business if you’re dating other people at the same time you’re dating him. Isn’t it?”

  Great. All I needed in my messed up love life was more of Paige’s interference.

  “I’m not dating Kevin,” I snapped.

  Kaylee let out a loud huff and asked Paige, “Why are you always so concerned with what Madison’s doing?”

  Paige glared at her, eyes narrowed and mouth forming a thin line.

  Kaylee continued, “Admit it, you’re jealous of her. You’ve always been jealous of her because she always comes out one step ahead of you.”

  My mouth fell open at Kaylee’s candidness.

  “Watch yourself,” Paige warned.

  “Are you threatening her?” I asked. Paige was going to have to go through me to get to Kaylee.

  Emma walked by me toward her desk. She stopped and whispered something to Paige, who nodded and pulled out her History book instead of answering me.

  I couldn’t believe she was letting our argument go, and I wanted to know what Emma had said to her. What if Paige planned to tell Isaac that I was dating Kevin? Would he believe her over me? My stomach cramped as if they’d punched me in the gut.

  We managed to ignore each other for the rest of class, although I wouldn’t have been surprised if Paige and Emma were making faces at Kaylee and me behind our backs.

  After class, Kaylee and I went with Sarah to Mrs. Sheppard’s classroom while Paige went to the back of the school to help set up the dunking booth.

  “Did you at least get a chance to talk to Isaac?” Kaylee asked as we walked.

  “Yeah, that’s why I was late for English.”

  Kaylee grabbed my arm. “You guys are still together, aren’t you?”

  Sarah stopped walking and huddled close to us.

  “Yes.” A flutter of excitement traveled
through me now that I knew he wanted our relationship to continue as much as I did. And, well, I got a sneak peek at what I had to look forward to once I learned to tame my emotions. When it came to Isaac, life was good. I could finally see that with clarity now.

  “Did you tell him you don’t like how chummy he is with Paige?” Sarah asked.

  “Not in so many words,” I replied and started walking again. “But she did come up, and he said Paige is the one who keeps cornering him.” I looked at Kaylee when I said the next part. “She wants him to join her circle of friends.”

  Kaylee mouthed the word Oh then said, “That sounds like something she’d do. How long has she, you know?”

  “Since the party at the beach,” I replied, knowing she meant how long had Paige known about Isaac’s powers.

  We stopped at my locker to toss our backpacks in.

  “What about Kevin?” Sarah asked.

  “I love Kevin,” I admitted. “But things have changed since he moved. It’s not the same feeling I have for Isaac. I still want to talk to him, though. I don’t want him going back to Minnesota with the last thing between us being that awkward day at school.”

  Mrs. Sheppard had several white boxes filled with cookies waiting for us. We each grabbed a stack and headed to the football field. Refreshments were being set up at the booths closest to the school. Smoke rose in billowing clouds from two large grills. The sweet scent of melted butter mixed with the charred scent of grilled hotdogs. We set the boxes on one of the long tables across from them. Another table had brownies and cupcakes. A sheet of white paper dangled from the front of the booths, listing the prices of each item. The rest of the booths were scattered behind us. Ben was setting up a small square table at the entrance of the maze. Mark’s back was to us as he fastened a sign to the cornstalks behind the table.

  Sarah followed my gaze. “If you want to talk to Mark, Kaylee and I will set up the booth.”

  I didn’t want to make a scene. I shook my head. “Now’s not the best time.”